Forgiveness is the setting free of a prisoner only to discover that the prisoner was you.
As the watcher of my thoughts, I have learned that…
I remember when I first came into awareness that if I ever felt I needed to forgive somebody, it was because I’d had an expectation of them, and I judged them for not meeting it.
That startling revelation was a bucket of ice cold water thrown over me, waking me up to my own limitation.
Every time we choose judgement, we focus on separateness and we fortify the veil of that illusion – the very veil that we are here to learn to lift.
Forgiveness is a requirement that is only necessary for the ego mind, which makes its modus operandi a full theatrical production.
Farce or tragedy? I’ll leave that to you.
The stage is set as we hold the bar up and we ask our adversaries to rise to it. We seem completely oblivious to the fact, that this, of course, means positioning ourselves above them. And that is what they become – adversaries – even the ones closest to us, because that’s how we treat them when we decide they’ve done us wrong.
And all of this is a contrived concoction, served to us by ego, whilst reminding us of the pain “they’ve” put us through, and the suffering “they’ve” caused. Oh, how we fool ourselves as ego maligns our loved ones (or anyone who we see as an opponent), and tricks us into simultaneous stints of both victimhood and superiority.
The absurdity of such a dichotomy is always a sure sign that our psyches are being tampered with. Yet, we indiscriminately fall for it, because it’s an easier route than holding our hearts open.
And, thus begins the myriad of ways in which we undermine our relationships.
We willingly listen, when ego promotes expectation in the name of Love. And we watch, as ego vitriolically criticizes our loved ones, all the while evincing that we deserve so much better. Beguiled by our own insecurities, we accept all this conjecture, caught completely unaware of the pathological co-dependence we are creating with this insidious usurper who lives in our minds. We even go so far as to convince ourselves that we’re merely sticking up for ourselves through all our self-serving demands.
Arms flail, we throw the backs of our hands to our foreheads in anguish, as tears splatter forth, and we give the most outstanding Academy Award worthy performances, without all the perks and paychecks.
And none of it gives us any sense of peace or satisfaction. It doesn’t feel right, because it isn’t.
The more we become disillusioned and disappointed by relationships, the more our expectations grow. And as our expectations grow, our own feelings of righteousness begin to elicit a startling propensity, for nose-in-the-air-itis.
From expectation, we are led to a prevailing sense of entitlement, and from there, we don our robes, hop up on our benches ready to dole out judgement on all those who come before us, and busting any who dares behave in a manner we deem unbefitting of the laws we’ve set out in our own minds.
This is how we becomes alleged victim, judge and jury, and then move onto warden, as we become the curator of punishment and penance, deciding how will have to earn our forgiveness.
Now back that up! Does any of this sound loving to you?
Just, who do we think we are?!!
And that’s the crux of the problem. In all of this… we’ve forgotten the truth of who we are. We’ve forgotten our true role: our role – as the one who loves .
Love has no motive but to fulfill itself and to take action through kindness, compassion and acceptance. Love is recognising ourselves in each other, knowing that as we reach to console, we console ourselves.
When we have expectations of others to serve our own needs, then we do not accept them for who and where they are. If we can’t allow people to learn and to walk their own path, then we’re more focused on being right, than on being loving. Love doesn’t care a fig about judging or being right.
When our minds are closed, we miss out on a world of possibility and we limit our imaginations to what we have chosen. What a narrow existence that is.
“When we let go of our idea of what life “should” be, we open ourselves up to serendipity and to what life “could” be.”
As we open, we welcome possibility, and in possibility, there is great capacity for love. Possibility is about living in the now.
Everybody is always doing the best they can, whether we see this so or not, and whether they disappoint us or not. This can be hard to accept when we’ve seen them do better. But in every instance where a different choice is made, some other element is either present that was not there before, or missing, that had been there. So, literally, in each instance, we give the best we have in that moment based on our mind’s perception and the feelings that drive us.
Acknowledging that we’re all doing the best we can doesn’t let us off the hook, we still have to live with the repercussions of our choices. And we don’t have to like someone’s behaviour to love them. Even if we decide that a relationship isn’t what we want the way it exists, we can let go of anger, blame, and sadness, and send a silent offering to the Universe wishing them well.
We are all responsible for the energy we bring to the world. It is only our own actions for which we must hold ourselves accountable.
When we lead with Love, every single happenstance becomes an opportunity to tune our awareness and to allow others to do the same. As we lead with Love, we draw back the veil to welcome the Light.
Tips for moving toward loving acceptance:
- Understand that you are responsible for the way you perceive your life and other people
- Know that everyone has their own path to walk and their own lessons to learn
- Never let a problem to be solved be more important than a person to be loved
- Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you
- Detach from emotion and look at the experience from the other person’s vantage point
- Live fully in the present moment. Leave the past where it belongs and know that the future will always be what you make of it
- Put your energy into solution instead of focusing on perceived problems
- Welcome possibility and let go of your notion of how things should be
- Embrace every challenge knowing that it brings you closer to uncovering your inner truth.
- Make a commitment with yourself to lead with love and kindness in every moment, no matter how hard it might sometimes seem
- Be grateful for every moment no matter what it brings.
Just imagine what a love like that can do for the world!
Shelley Lundquist is an international best-selling author, motivational speaker, and Self-Mastery & Success Coach who uses her intuitive gifts and powerful transformational breakthrough processes to empower audiences all over the world in leveraging the unlimited power of their own potential.
By guiding you through a journey of self-discovery and a shift in the way you perceive yourself and the world, Shelley will help you create your best life—a peaceful, harmonious life of joy and abundance, that acknowledges body, mind, and spirit.
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